Monday, February 21, 2011

Braveheart Perspective: Phillip

late 1200s:      get interested in mother's clothes

late 1200s:      begin playing with dolls

late 1200s:      get boner while watching dad's friends play with their swords

late 1200s:      meet Edward The Longshanks' son the prince (Edward II)

circa 1300:      leer at prince on the latrine...a LOT...trying to see if prince was also a "longshanks"

circa 1300:      consummate relationship with prince during fecal-oriented massage session

circa 1300:      be forced (willingly) to offer used asshole up to prince whenever he desires

circa 1300:      wear dresses with prince like a nancy boy

circa 1300:      hear devastating news that Longshanks is setting up prince's marriage to hot woman

circa 1300:      stare at prince wantingly during wedding to hot woman, earning disdain of Longshanks

circa 1300:      attempt to keep prince away from hot woman by continually offering dirty butt to prince

circa 1300:      constantly leer at prince from behind corners

circa 1300:      get appointed prince's High Counselor (a meaningless title since prince has no authority whatsoever)

circa 1300:      wonder out loud "what beast could do such a thing" (strike 1)

circa 1300:      make mistake of offering advice to Longshanks, as though he needed it (strike 2)

circa 1300:      apparently insult Longshanks further by saying how he (someone who has not left the confines and safety of wearing dresses in the castle) is skilled in the arts of war and military tactics (strike 3)

circa 1300:      comically get thrown out of window by Longshanks, effectively ending homoaffair with prince

circa 1300:      come back as spirt and leer at prince from around corners some more


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