Saturday, February 26, 2011

Excuses NOT To Hang Out With You

Savages are dicks, if you haven't noticed already.    So whenever somebody asks you to hang out with them (or make out with them as the case may be), whether it be creepy stalker or annoying acquaintance, we thought we'd take the pressure off you and provide you with some ready-made excuses.  You're welcome.   Because who wants to hang out with morons anyways?

They all start the same.    Well....I'd love to, but:

-I have to run for political office
-I have to host a telethon
-I have to get my period
-I have to rewrite the lyrics to "Are You Gonna Go My Way"
-I have to pee my pants
-I have to drive my grandmother across the street
-I have to wonder what it's like to have the blues
-I have to name my appliances
-I have to have a staring contest
-I have to make people uncomfortable
-I have to dry-hump the dog
-I have to cut the nipples out of my shirts
-I have to run away with the circus
-I have to do surveillance of the local public restrooms
-I have to write my weekly letter to Bon Jovi
-I have to see if somebody more important called
-I have to clean my aluminum foil
-I have to count my sesame seeds
-I have to buy erasable pens
-I have to learn how to read
-I have to be seduced in a Jeff Goldblum movie
-I have to respond to a wedding invitation
-I have to join a support group
-I have to watch my back goatee grow
-I have to put all my clocks back 3 hours and 42 minutes
-I have to finish my science experiment
-I have to take pictures of my dentist
-I have to put my head in the toilet
-I have to see what's in my belly button
-I have to cut napkins into little tiny squares and arrange them
-I have to get the pencil out of my dog
-I have to shit myself
-I have to hang out in the woods by the playground
-I have to replenish my basil
-I have to climb a tree
-I have to shave my canker sore
-I have to drive to Long Island
-I have to wait for my testicle to descend
-I have to do something better
-You scare me and you look like a pedophile


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