Sunday, February 20, 2011

Jurassic Park Perspective: Dennis Nedry

1960: become obese, obnoxious kid

1980: become obese, obnoxious Cheetos

1985: apply for every job that requires just sitting in front of a computer eating all day...get hired by Jurassic Park for natural resemblance to a stegosaurus

1990: start possibly incestuous affair with Boss Hammond

1991: get bitter at Boss Hammond for starting to prefer the dark meat in the form of Arnold (Samuel L. Jackson)...plot to avenge this disloyalty

1993: succumb to lusts for Dodgson and give him secrets to Boss Hammond's dino-DNA, while having a grand ole time eating everything in sight and carelessly putting shaving cream on pie with bare hand

later in 1993: sweat profusingly, and get craving for something sweet after eating salty things all day (while curiously spending that whole day in a poorly-lit room alone with Arnold)...carry out plot to give Dodgson dino-DNA...fuck it up miserably...somehow manage to be condescending to what appears to be a fuckin dinosaur...get warm liquid goo shot into eyes and essentially become a buffet for prehistoric creatures


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