Wednesday, March 9, 2011

5 Badass Modern Male TV Characters We Probably Wouldn't Like in Real Life

There's always characters on TV that excite, move, and intrigue us. The Catch-22 is that most of them are people we'd shake our heads at if they existed in our real lives. That or, ya know, they'd kill us (a true Savage never dies though). Couple this with the fact that most male characters on TV are essentially nutless half-men, and we grow even fonder for the guys who aren't afraid to show everyone that the ladyboys on Glee don't have to be the norm. Thanks, gentlemen:

"Whatever Gary Cooper?"

Tony Soprano: Not since the Corleones had their day in the sun has a Don captured and sustained our attention more. Probably as despicable a protagonist as you'll ever see, you'd be hard-pressed to come up with a single character ever more complex and multi-layered than ole Tone. We can't help but glue our asses to the seats whenever he's standing toe-to-toe with Richie Aprile, getting his balls busted by Carmela, pissing on Paulie's obnoxious quirks, or parroting (read: fucking up) Melfi's advice to anyone who'll listen. You still can't mention his name without getting into a passionate argument over the closing fate of a fictional character (it goes on...and on...and on...). That shows you just how engrossed we got into the world and psyche of this grossly overweight greaseball.

"The game's out there and it's play or get played."

Omar Little: A murderer, robber, philosopher, and Robin Hood all rolled into one...this brooding loner falls into the pinnacle of archetypes: the anti-hero. Living his life by a strict code of never putting his sawed-off shotgun on a civilian, he's constantly throwing a wrench into the underworld of Baltimore. The brilliant thing about Omar is that we don't even see him that much, which only adds to his legend. His presence is constantly felt, and even the most badass of characters know to keep their distance. When he's not ripping off the Barksdale operation, he spends his time hiding out with his flavor-of-the-season boytoy. That's right...Omar rolls like that...and even the most machismo-fueled cells inside us couldn't give a shit less. He's an ultimate contradiction...ruthless enough to put a bullet in your head, but deliberate enough to pick and choose who "deserves" it. As he says, a man's gotta have a code. Oh, indeed.

"You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself."

Don Draper: Unlike the other characters on the list, this 60's-era Madison Ave. suit doesn't fiddle around with violence, which makes it all the more paradoxical that he just may be the emotionally coldest. Never revealing anything about himself that he doesn't have to, he spends his days drinking, smoking, and telling it like it is regardless of things like "feelings"...oh, and being the best fucking ad man in NYC. It's hard to exude charisma and a "leave me the hell alone" vibe simultaneously, but that's what Don Draper unceasingly does every minute. So what if his home life's a mess? Who cares that he secretly/openly has disdain for just about every human being walking the Earth? When he talks, we listen...and as he'd say, that's all that really matters in the business.

"A true outlaw finds the balance between the passion
in his heart and the reason in his mind. The outcome
is the balance of might and right."

Jax Teller: Nothing like a conscience-torn biker to grab our attention. When Jax isn't kicking the shit out of rival biker gangs, he's sitting alone reading the words of his deceased father about how he could have another path. Like the previously mentioned characters, he's a walking contradiction. He'll kill without hesitation, but hey, he feels bad about it...most of the time (that's gotta count for something, right?). Playing the role of Hamlet in this modern Harley-injected take on the Shakespearean tale, we seem to know where he's going, but we'll be damned if we're gonna miss it. It's the journey, not the destination.

"Hey, I'm a man of logic. I'm a man of planning.
I consider every detail. I factor in every
possibility. Then I flip a coin."

Ryan O'Reilly: A loner who somehow thrives in prison, O'Reilly's constantly playing one side against the other. Far from a "good guy," he'll fuck over any of the other inmates of Oz to save his own ass (except for his brother) without being particularly wormy. He's no slouch with his fists either, but being a fast-talking bullshit artist is what helps him survive. He constantly connives his enemies into killing his other enemies, opting to use his badass manipulation tactics instead of getting his hands dirty most of the time. After six seasons of're left wondering, "How the fuck didn't anyone shank Ryan O'Reilly?"

(Notes: Vic Mackey and Al Swearengen may very well find their ways onto this list after complete watch-throughs...and Jimmy from Boardwalk Empire is an up and comer. We're sure we're forgetting others...godDAMN it!)


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