Monday, March 14, 2011

7 Amazingly Hilarious Classic Sitcom Characters

It takes a real aligning of the stars to produce a memorable sitcom character. With all the shit out there in the entertainment universe, we relish these 7 classics every second they wander onto our TVs through a bastion of mediocrity:

Kramer: This man is the truth. Every sentence and movement he has onscreen is pure comedy gold. We could probably make a "50 Greatest Kramer Quotes" post, and it still wouldn't even be the tip of the iceberg. From his perpetual mooching to his filterless rambling, Cosmo's the essence of zany coolness, and we can't get enough. Sure, he may be a hipster doofus and a pod, but anyone who spends his time yelping at Joltin' Joe and kicking mugger ass while driving a bus is boss in our book. (Note: George Costanza, hell even Frank Costanza, absolutely should be on this list, but in the interest of diversity, we'll limit it to one Seinfeld character. Although George might say...that's really not fair.)

Alex P. Keaton: This Reagan-era golden boy might have been lame in the hands of a lesser actor, but Michael J. Fox dominates in the role. With values diametrically opposed to his hippie parents, Alex humorously functions as a 50-year-old in a teenager's body. While he's in high school, he's more concerned with leading the Young Republicans and reading the entire business section of the newspaper than he is with going to the movies or playing sports (Alex still chases tail with the best of 'em though). Regardless of politics, you can't help but laugh your ass off every time he takes his briefcase off into the world to stomp progressives one by one.

Eddie Haskell: Of course, this is from an era ahead of many of our times, but the brilliance of Eddie Haskell is eternal. A brown-nosing kissass around any adult figure, he quickly becomes a ballbusting menace as soon as he's left to prey on his peers. No one can turn on/off the charm better than Eddie, and sometimes he actually gives Wally and the Beav the kick in the ass they need in their all-too-disciplined lives. Although he's as transparent as a pane of glass, his masterful manipulation tactics almost always have their desired effect. The Cleaver kids could learn a thing or two from this kid. Hell, Ward might wanna even take notes sometimes.

Barney Fife: Again, we're in oldass-era territory, but some characters are timeless. Barney Fife is the classic fuck-up who has no outward idea that he's just not that good at anything. Oh yeah, occasionally he'll be of some ass-backwards use...but most of the time, the One Bullet Wonder's just getting in Andy's way. Come to think of it, he doesn't exactly have too many redeeming qualities, unless you consider being a bonafide loser to the utmost degree a "redeeming quality." His ineptitude is only matched by his completely indefensible professional arrogance and condescension. And we love him for it.

Leon Black: All right, everything that comes out of this guy's mouth is genius. His interactions with Larry David are just about the funniest things you'll ever see on HBO. He's the perfectly compliment to LD...vulgar, blatant, and completely unaware/uncaring for the "etiquette" of human interaction. He spends his time getting Larry's back, freeloading, hittin anything with a pulse, and delivering the most nonsensical yet strangely perceptive words of wisdom this side of Coach Bobby Finstock. Leon's exchanges with the racially-on-eggshells Michael Richards pretty much makes us forget that there was ever a controversy.

Bob Pinciotti: He could probably be on this list on perm alone, but he's the Red would say...dumbass. He unabashedly parades about his house with his unattractive body on display, and constantly exerts his childlike wonder at the world around him, much to the chagrin of Red. Bob seems to be completely oblivious to Red's obvious disdain for him, which only adds fuel to the fire. He inexplicably manages to hold onto his hot wife for years, but nature's balancing act comes into full swing by giving him a horrendously mannish daughter. To top it off, Bob's an avid banjo player, putting icing on the cake of being pretty much the most annoying neighbor you could ask for.

Wayne Arnold: We find this slow-witted, bullying, tiny shorts-wearing nimrod hilarious...but, he deserves a spot on this list mostly because he beat up that asshole Fred Savage a lot. God love him.


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