This is a simple question, with a difficult answer. And yes, we realize there are other epic mustaches out there, but this question is just a two-man tournament. Mano-a-mano. 'Stache-a-'Stache. Who has the better mustache...one Sam Elliott? Or one Magnum, P.I.?
Look at that thing. Not since Scottie Pippen's nose has a (visible) body part taken on such a life of its own. It strategically hides the mouth of this modern cowboy, not letting any potential foes realize that he's already whispering their last rites.
And then...the classic male (more to come on that piece of SavageSpeak later). Magnum rocks the Ferrari. He sports the all-too-high short shorts. He has the ladies soakin' their panties. But most importantly, he shows the world what a classic 'stache is supposed to be.
So which is it? Classicly Epic or Epically Classic? Six-shooter or 9mm? Elliott or Magnum?
Personally...my vote goes to The Stranger...