Friday, March 4, 2011

Uncle Rico: The Man With The Misplaced Plan

Good ol' Uncle Rico. He's a legend really...a man with some sage advice and direction to give the world. And not only that, he's ALSO a friggin loser. Yeah, we like him. Lately though, he doesn't get enough airplay. We thought we'd change that. Here's some excellent Uncle Rico quotes to get you through the day. It's ALL for you, Rico...

-"Might as well do somethin' while you're doin' nothin'."

-"How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?"

-"Does that cost money every time you're on, like, for minutes on the phone?...I'll tell you something. I'd be throwin' you out the window."

-"You know we can't afford the fun pack. What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it."

-"Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile."

-"While you're out there playin' patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is makin' 120 bucks."

-"Yeah...if coach would've put me in fourth quarter...we'd have been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind."

-"You better believe things would have been different. I'd have gone a heartbeat. I'd be making millions of dollars and...livin' in a...big ol' mansion somewhere. You know, soakin' it up in a hot tub with my soul mate..." (followed immediately by disappointed look of realization that his life sucks and he has no soul mate)

-"We need some nametags with our picture on it, all laminated and what not. I mean, we got to look legit, man!"

The man is obviously a genius. With his head for business, athletic prowess, charm with the ladies, and familial leadership, this is a recipe for success. The man can throw a steak like nobody's business. How he is not all that and more, we'll never know. We only hope that at least some of us take the time to learn from one of the best.


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